A Cry For Help!

Jessica From Spain:

Been married six years to a much older man and although he is controlling and sometimes difficult, is a good man. The marriage has witnessed a lot of challenges both physically and spiritually like it was never meant to be. Does God join two people together and then cause pain? There is no love and the only thing that holds the marriage are the two kids we have. If one stays because of the kids, we'll keep quarreling and this not good either for their upbringing. I can't work or do anything because he wants me to be completely dependent on him.

Now I want to chase my dream of been a voice for the poor, abused and oppressed girls and women and he won't accept. I have a lot of issues within that I need to address and I was hoping this will help me heal in the long run and maybe I can find peace again.

Jessica..

Carmine  likes this.

 Aiyela Looks like the situation is a complicated one and would need divine intervention.

January 7 at 12:50pm ·

Ama  How complicated can it get when one is still alive and there is hope.

January 7 at 12:55pm · Like · 2 people

Aiyela True Ama! Once there is life there is hope but Jessica's situation is complicated from what she has written. Our society frowns towards divorce and staying in the marriage only will bring more pain. Looks like she is traped!

January 7 at 1:04pm · Like

Jude Michael  IF only she were a christian,He has told us that to him that believes all things are possible,also all things(BOTH GOOD &BAD),work together for good to them that love God,to them that are called according to the will of God.

January 7 at 1:51pm · Like

Ama I often say to people when things are too rosy I question it but always get prepared for the worse. It can only get you stronger if it does not kill you. I will not encourage Jessica to leave her marriage. Why did she not leave when the going was good? What will she be teaching her children? Challenges are what they are and will not last. Afflictions do not arise a second time. Jessica persevere be strong, and if not already a born again please ask Jesus to come into your life right now and quench the fire in your home.

January 7 at 2:12pm · Like

Aiyela Ama you are right. Jesus is the key.

January 7 at 2:21pm ·

Alex Nosa 

Most of us are often shocked at where we find ourselves in life when all the while we were heading that direction. Until we begin to claim full responsibility for our decisions and actions and even for our reactions to the hurtful behaviours of other people, we will never be at peace.

Blaming our negative feelings on the actions of other people and basing what we must do or not on whether other people fulfill their responsibilities or not are the immature attitudes that separate children from adults. While we may have being victimized spectators in the unfortunate circumstances of our childhood, we are now players in every circumstance that we find ourselves as adults, whether fortunate or unfortunate.

Our frustration will gradually dwindle away when we make every effort to focus on ourselves rather than on others; when we humbly seek the life lessons in every situation rather than arrogantly pointing our finger at those who may have created the situation; when we begin the challenging journey of finding our way back to God from the hole we dug ourselves into.

Like Jesus Christ once said, “Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”

January 7 at 3:03pm · Like · 2 people

Nathaniel

Nathaniel Obioha I think Nosa has summed this up very nicely. Taking personal responsibility and accountability is key in determining the directions we proceed when we think the consequences of the choices we made seem to overwhelm us and seem to question the integrity of decisions. Also I will but reluctantly sympathize with Jessica in this circumstance in that quite often we fail to take a deep internal reflection when relationships go sour our below our initial expectation to examine whether we in any we contribute to the situation be our action or inaction or by sheer rebellion against perceived infringement on our freedom, privacy or independence. What Jessica has failed to realize is marriage is like financial investment, it requires all the attributes that make a business successful - patience, continued investment, responsibility, accountability, shrewdness in evaluating our options and above all empathy. Until couples begin to see themselves as support where the other partner is weak, it will remain a mirage to achieve a perfect balance. Is she looking up to me for sympathy and a hasten advice to pack it up? I would rather she embark on this self reflective journey to examine how she has contributed to create the status quo, then to take Nosa's advice to seek for the intervention of he who instituted the institution from the beginning, for the only ground on which I will hing a parting of ways is where infidelity has occured and the other party is not willing for a forgiveness.....for what option is better for the kids...the see mum and daddy quarrel everyday and sort it out or to see mummy part ways and they being left with the 'brokenness' of a broken home.....

January 8 at 2:15am · Like · 1 person

Ama 

Jessica if you wish to stay with your spouse you will work at it. However, "if you always have in your head", which I think you are working from now you will possibly do everything to make sure you leave. This is when every slightest mistake becomes tiresome and a large offence which you could have overlooked when love was in the air after your wedding. You have been married for 5 years and still within the window period for a Marriage that would stand afterwards. I believe you are fighting a powerful spiritual battle. However, winning such battle requires you empty yourself of all malice and let your source take over. When your husband says things that annoy you calmly persuade him to think differently. You have got to act like a weakling in this scenario. Let it be a conscious duty from you not to fight or quarrel with your husband whilst your kids are watching to be rude and violent with their mouth.

I will ask you to fast and pray for 7 days, strip yourself bare. Jessica I am sure you are an extremely pretty woman and older men love to marry such women. Your husband would know this is more serious than he thinks when he sees his masterpiece of beauty stripped bare in a second. He would not understand when your wishes and desires start coming through and with his cooperation.

January 8 at 8:58am ·

Ama  ‎"When the heart is willing it will find a thousand ways but when it is unwilling it will find a thousand excuses"

January 11 at 4:25pm · Like · 2 people

Sandra 

I constantly am amazed at how we can sum up someone's life in a few sentences. We need to find out what made her get married and for what reasons? When God does not put a marriage together can any man put it asunder? How was the foundation of the marriage laid and was it done truthfully? There are so many questions that must be asked before a TRUTHFUL answer can be given. With what we have been told so far, if she wants to pursue her dreams then her husband should allow her to do so. Some men are just as insecure as some women, what is he afraid of... is he concerned that if he allows her a bit of freedom that she will see what is out there and leave him? Where did she also sell out on her dreams and aspirations? Should marriage cause the death of your dreams or help to fulfill it. Once she honest with herself and he is with himself, they can probably work it out but where there is control there also lies manipulation and almost certainly if not addressed witchcraft in terms of the bible. She needs to make her own decision and hopefully she will make the right one.
January 16 at 3:30pm · Like · 1 person

Ama 

Sandra I totally agree with you and have learnt so much from your concise and thoughtful comments. We all have to get it right from the beginning when going into marriage. Why are you getting married and how accurate can you be? It is so difficult for so many to answer this elementary question. A need is satisfied, and that is what matters. I truly believe we should have a scale of preference reviewing those needs and their likely consequences. However, one who lacks a solid foundation from the onset should not be allowed to die in their problems. There is a way out, and the way forward is why we all come together under the umbrella of Queen Ama's Food For Thought. Jessica I am sure you have been helped as much as I have learnt today. The next thing for you is an action plan, and you must strictly adhere to them.

January 28 at 2:47am · Like · 1 person

Ama  Thanks for all your contributions and so glad we are able to connect with words, faith and culture. See you soon. For all hot matters visit http://queenamafoodforthought.blogspot%2ccom/.

January 28 at 2:50am ·

Labels: "Older Men and Headaches"; "Younger Women and Freedom".