Why Some Men End Up Dogs!

Henry    February 15 at 12:33am

This is going to be kind of an epistle.

I have this thing I do casually and that is mending relationships and building broken ones. I guess this is a situation where a doctor can no longer treat himself.

While I was in college, I never wanted to date because I know am adventurous with women and will not want commitments or to break their heart either. However on graduation, I decided that am of age to respect women and show commitment. I then ran into a girl who was a guest in a family friend's house, she was doing her diploma. In 2005, I fell in love with her and she did too. She had issues with securing admission into the university, a year later, I felt I have to help my girlfriend, and somehow I paid a whopping some of N170,000 to get her admission. Her family couldn't do this for her then. One way or the other I saw her through school, then I changed my job in her 300level to become a banker- and later in December 2009, I was affected by the retrenchment. So throughout her final year, I was without a job and no longer met up as usual, and within this time her attitude towards me totally changed. She began to avoid me. I dated her for five years, and I never for one day cheated on her because I wanted to keep to my promise of been faithful. However, last year, since she began sleeping around with the same person she told me nothing was between them, and she was seeing some other guys. It became too much for me that the only person I believed in was not there for me in my time of troubles, rather she was hurting me and frustrating all my effort to get into any form of communication with her. She has hurt me so much I cant start siting instances. This year she eventually came back to school to work on her project and after we talked, she confessed some of her shortcomings of cheating on me, which I openly forgave her because to "err is human and to forgive is divine". I asked her to change and stop all she is doing. She agreed but went back to school and continued. Every time I want to see her, she switches her phone off and later explains her battery was off. She has never done this before. I called her on Sunday to plan Valentine gala with her, but she told me she was going to travel on Valentines day to Lagos because her sister is travelling abroad and wanted her to come stay with the kids. I then accepted but made a counter offer- that instead of travelling to Lagos by road and get there in the evening, that she should spend the day with me and then in the evening I will fly her out to Lagos, she still refused the offer. On valentines day, I called to wish her happy valentine and bon voyage and she claimed she was on her way already to Lagos, and then she switched her phone off at 8.30pm. Curiously, I decided to call her sister so as to speak with her just in the event it was her battery that was dead. Low and behold, her sister knew nothing about her trip to Lagos on Monday- Valentine's day. She had informed her sister she will be coming to Lagos on the 15th of February. Her sister promised to call me just in case she arrives, but she is still not there till now. I waited patiently for her to graduate so together we could build our future- but her attitude sets me 5 years behind. I can forgive a cheating girlfriend but its difficult to forget a deceptive girlfriend and one you can no longer trust. It is like sitting on a gun powder, I am terribly confused and do not know what to do. I still love her- but am thinking of letting go. I know sometimes we just have to let go of what we value so much, because we love them and then move ahead. Whats your take on this epistle.

Ama        February 16 at 10:55am

Dear Henry,

Thanks for sharing with me. I know how you feel right now.

True love is what is left over when being in love has burnt away.

You are still in love after everything. It is encouraging to know men do feel this way.

I am so sorry, but it is obvious your woman is dating another Man. She spent valentine with him. When 2 people are in a relationship and all of a sudden one, starts appearing to be elusive that is the first signal of a dying relationship or a convenient way to say I am no longer interested. She does not want to hurt you, and that is the only way to send across a good message, “leave me alone”. Then an active phone becomes dead all of a sudden, but yet she is active in the hands of another man.

You went into the relationship with an innocent heart, to love, to give, to build and to grow. However, the woman in question had you going because she wanted her school fees paid, which her family could not afford. Poverty in Africa has also disconnected true love from the agenda in most relationships. Many people have gone into relationships for financial reasons. Once that factor has been fully tapped into or the beneficiary sees no use of its benefactor of course they take off. That is how parasites survive through life. A parasite takes from you, they get nutrients like school fees from you, and they drain you without giving anything in return.

Poverty is not the only factor responsible for lack of natural love because girls brought up with silver spoons also date men for their money. It has to do with strength of character, morals and values.

Coming back to you as the man, why did you pay for her school fees? Did you want anything in return or what we call a charitable gesture?

You were already thinking of your future with her, but she was not looking in the same direction as you. She is not ready for marriage or commitment now and has other more noteworthy things on her scale of preference. Therefore, you could not meet up during the global recession, and of course, someone else could fulfil that need.

Today, it is extremely difficult to find 2 people who go into a natural-loving relationship without been calculating on what you can get from it. Therefore, anyone who is likely to exhibit any trace of true love is likely to get hurt. The society sees such people as "laughable fools".

The first lady and president of America, Mr and Mrs Obama, goes to show you can start a relationship without been so calculating. A casual relationship which gradually builds up friendship, understanding, character, love and strength. Check those individuals’ years down the line you would not be far from success, happiness and fulfilment, which they exude all around them. They become a yardstick for most relationships.

Here, is my take on this common phenomenon, stop calling her for now even though you are hurting and need to make a point. You are a Man and nobody has the right to set you 5 years back they are not God. You have your destiny in your hands, and it is only you that can steer it towards your dreams, hope and aspirations. I can state categorically nobody will do that for you but someone who truly sees your vision, understands it and wants to be part of it. When you find her she would be forever active in your arms come rain and sunshine. Her phone would be on the charger and there will be no excuse as to a dead battery. She will put you first before an aunt traveling abroad.

I wish you best of luck as you change your marketing strategy towards getting a real woman and you having the right values to attract a decent one.

Love,

Queen Ama

Henry   February 16 at 7:17pm 

Thanks for the hard line. I have never cried b4 even though I know I have a good heart, but right now I want to but still cannot. It is very disappointing for one to make all effort beyond to be truely commited, faithful, & sincere to someone and still get it thrown back at them. I have noticed that when I hurt people, I get it paid back to me in ten folds especially when the person is innocent and its vice versa. This is because I believe in the law of karma. My fear is I do not know if she can handle her own disappiontments when karma takes effects because it will be huge. For me the only solution is for the person to come begging or me go begging. I wish I could stop it because I have forgiven her but I cannot until she comes asking me to forgive her. However I will adhere to your advice, but am really sorry for the next woman that will come into my life (if any) because I will never give in my whole again even in marriage. I dont think I can freely ever trust a woman, whosoever she might be. Ama you are a darling- thanks alot & hope to hear from you soon.

Ama   February 16 at 11:11pm

Dear Henry,

Please do not allow one mistake ruin your future happiness. Pray you get a woman who appreciates you for who you are and not because you can pay her way through school.

I hate to hear you say your future wife would suffer. 

Labels: "My Girlfriend is Spending Valentine with Another Man",  "Poverty in Africa".

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