A Cry For Help!

Jessica From Spain:

Been married six years to a much older man and although he is controlling and sometimes difficult, is a good man. The marriage has witnessed a lot of challenges both physically and spiritually like it was never meant to be. Does God join two people together and then cause pain? There is no love and the only thing that holds the marriage are the two kids we have. If one stays because of the kids, we'll keep quarreling and this not good either for their upbringing. I can't work or do anything because he wants me to be completely dependent on him.

Now I want to chase my dream of been a voice for the poor, abused and oppressed girls and women and he won't accept. I have a lot of issues within that I need to address and I was hoping this will help me heal in the long run and maybe I can find peace again.

Jessica..

Carmine  likes this.

 Aiyela Looks like the situation is a complicated one and would need divine intervention.

January 7 at 12:50pm ·

Ama  How complicated can it get when one is still alive and there is hope.

January 7 at 12:55pm · Like · 2 people

Aiyela True Ama! Once there is life there is hope but Jessica's situation is complicated from what she has written. Our society frowns towards divorce and staying in the marriage only will bring more pain. Looks like she is traped!

January 7 at 1:04pm · Like

Jude Michael  IF only she were a christian,He has told us that to him that believes all things are possible,also all things(BOTH GOOD &BAD),work together for good to them that love God,to them that are called according to the will of God.

January 7 at 1:51pm · Like

Ama I often say to people when things are too rosy I question it but always get prepared for the worse. It can only get you stronger if it does not kill you. I will not encourage Jessica to leave her marriage. Why did she not leave when the going was good? What will she be teaching her children? Challenges are what they are and will not last. Afflictions do not arise a second time. Jessica persevere be strong, and if not already a born again please ask Jesus to come into your life right now and quench the fire in your home.

January 7 at 2:12pm · Like

Aiyela Ama you are right. Jesus is the key.

January 7 at 2:21pm ·

Alex Nosa 

Most of us are often shocked at where we find ourselves in life when all the while we were heading that direction. Until we begin to claim full responsibility for our decisions and actions and even for our reactions to the hurtful behaviours of other people, we will never be at peace.

Blaming our negative feelings on the actions of other people and basing what we must do or not on whether other people fulfill their responsibilities or not are the immature attitudes that separate children from adults. While we may have being victimized spectators in the unfortunate circumstances of our childhood, we are now players in every circumstance that we find ourselves as adults, whether fortunate or unfortunate.

Our frustration will gradually dwindle away when we make every effort to focus on ourselves rather than on others; when we humbly seek the life lessons in every situation rather than arrogantly pointing our finger at those who may have created the situation; when we begin the challenging journey of finding our way back to God from the hole we dug ourselves into.

Like Jesus Christ once said, “Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”

January 7 at 3:03pm · Like · 2 people

Nathaniel

Nathaniel Obioha I think Nosa has summed this up very nicely. Taking personal responsibility and accountability is key in determining the directions we proceed when we think the consequences of the choices we made seem to overwhelm us and seem to question the integrity of decisions. Also I will but reluctantly sympathize with Jessica in this circumstance in that quite often we fail to take a deep internal reflection when relationships go sour our below our initial expectation to examine whether we in any we contribute to the situation be our action or inaction or by sheer rebellion against perceived infringement on our freedom, privacy or independence. What Jessica has failed to realize is marriage is like financial investment, it requires all the attributes that make a business successful - patience, continued investment, responsibility, accountability, shrewdness in evaluating our options and above all empathy. Until couples begin to see themselves as support where the other partner is weak, it will remain a mirage to achieve a perfect balance. Is she looking up to me for sympathy and a hasten advice to pack it up? I would rather she embark on this self reflective journey to examine how she has contributed to create the status quo, then to take Nosa's advice to seek for the intervention of he who instituted the institution from the beginning, for the only ground on which I will hing a parting of ways is where infidelity has occured and the other party is not willing for a forgiveness.....for what option is better for the kids...the see mum and daddy quarrel everyday and sort it out or to see mummy part ways and they being left with the 'brokenness' of a broken home.....

January 8 at 2:15am · Like · 1 person

Ama 

Jessica if you wish to stay with your spouse you will work at it. However, "if you always have in your head", which I think you are working from now you will possibly do everything to make sure you leave. This is when every slightest mistake becomes tiresome and a large offence which you could have overlooked when love was in the air after your wedding. You have been married for 5 years and still within the window period for a Marriage that would stand afterwards. I believe you are fighting a powerful spiritual battle. However, winning such battle requires you empty yourself of all malice and let your source take over. When your husband says things that annoy you calmly persuade him to think differently. You have got to act like a weakling in this scenario. Let it be a conscious duty from you not to fight or quarrel with your husband whilst your kids are watching to be rude and violent with their mouth.

I will ask you to fast and pray for 7 days, strip yourself bare. Jessica I am sure you are an extremely pretty woman and older men love to marry such women. Your husband would know this is more serious than he thinks when he sees his masterpiece of beauty stripped bare in a second. He would not understand when your wishes and desires start coming through and with his cooperation.

January 8 at 8:58am ·

Ama  ‎"When the heart is willing it will find a thousand ways but when it is unwilling it will find a thousand excuses"

January 11 at 4:25pm · Like · 2 people

Sandra 

I constantly am amazed at how we can sum up someone's life in a few sentences. We need to find out what made her get married and for what reasons? When God does not put a marriage together can any man put it asunder? How was the foundation of the marriage laid and was it done truthfully? There are so many questions that must be asked before a TRUTHFUL answer can be given. With what we have been told so far, if she wants to pursue her dreams then her husband should allow her to do so. Some men are just as insecure as some women, what is he afraid of... is he concerned that if he allows her a bit of freedom that she will see what is out there and leave him? Where did she also sell out on her dreams and aspirations? Should marriage cause the death of your dreams or help to fulfill it. Once she honest with herself and he is with himself, they can probably work it out but where there is control there also lies manipulation and almost certainly if not addressed witchcraft in terms of the bible. She needs to make her own decision and hopefully she will make the right one.
January 16 at 3:30pm · Like · 1 person

Ama 

Sandra I totally agree with you and have learnt so much from your concise and thoughtful comments. We all have to get it right from the beginning when going into marriage. Why are you getting married and how accurate can you be? It is so difficult for so many to answer this elementary question. A need is satisfied, and that is what matters. I truly believe we should have a scale of preference reviewing those needs and their likely consequences. However, one who lacks a solid foundation from the onset should not be allowed to die in their problems. There is a way out, and the way forward is why we all come together under the umbrella of Queen Ama's Food For Thought. Jessica I am sure you have been helped as much as I have learnt today. The next thing for you is an action plan, and you must strictly adhere to them.

January 28 at 2:47am · Like · 1 person

Ama  Thanks for all your contributions and so glad we are able to connect with words, faith and culture. See you soon. For all hot matters visit http://queenamafoodforthought.blogspot%2ccom/.

January 28 at 2:50am ·

Labels: "Older Men and Headaches"; "Younger Women and Freedom".

Rational Thinking!

Food For Thought: Rational Thinking!

Why do we believe the poor need to be educated to get out of poverty in Africa when the looting and stealing are done by the most educated people. It takes more than education to be reasonable. Perhaps, what we truly need in Africa is the spirit of God to penetrate our heart, refine our thoughts and action then rational behaviour will be a cherished way of life for all. Queen Ama

Welcome To Queen Ama's Food For Thought Welcome Friends!, to an intellectual debate intimately set within the reality of Queen Ama’s glamorous aspirational world of contemporary thinking, political analysis and her infectious love of life and love.

My Charming Valentine!

It reminds me of those cramps which women get when expecting to go through monthly purification or ready to expel that child in the delivery ward. It is no different from the feelings of bitterness, pain, loneliness, longing and disrespect. It is exactly how women with a regretful experience think of men who have put them through a dark route.

There is no woman who has never had their own fair share of sorrow from a man whom she thought was in an intimate relationship with her. Those feelings have a way of resurrecting in marriage; it gets worse because there is actually no outlet. A time when your original body shape becomes distorted from having children. Ageing makes it better as another younger woman is likely to take over from you at the slightest decision to walk away in search of another man.

"Ladies Learn The Formula"                                     reserved

Men have been the weaker version of women, and we must support them. They love to be pampered, and they act like babies craving attention. It is no wonder so many women get it wrong at this stage after having a child whom they divert all their attention to. We have got to learn men are deficient in some ways and can hardly deal with pain. Most men would die going through 9 months of pregnancy and having to deliver a child. They claim to be hard wired and put on a poker face, but a deep woman is able to see through those  theatrical performance and understand it better.

Those who have been successful with their men are those who have looked beyond the glossy surface. They know it is essential to have a partner, a friend and a husband. It is not a military zone where people are scared to reveal who they truly are by showcasing their weaknesses.

An environment where such relationship is shared you are likely to see 2 distinct individuals strong and Independent on their own, but more powerful together. Once that knot is tied through marriage one is not far from another course of study. Examinations and learning does not end in a classroom environment, even when you fail you need to go back and excel in those areas until you get a pass mark you cannot go to the next level.

Move on to another course of study, it will be so difficult to do well because you have it behind your mind I did not do so well before and failed.

Here, is how to deal with men, you do not need to date so many to understand them. They all belong to a group called "Homo-Sapiens". Why have they been grouped? They share the same features and characteristics. Women just pick one and understand those characteristics your problem is half-way solved. Try moving on to another man one will find his no different from the first.

"There is no need keeping more than one man to cushion one‘s loss".

"It is far better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

"Women go through a monthly purification whilst men need a daily purification to strike the balance".

"True Love Will Save the Day". 

Ladies we are not too far from February 14, a day where we look the one we truly love in the eyes and say to them," It has not been easy, but we are still together and will surely make it to our destination".


"Celebration of love and affection between intimate companions come at a cost, you have got to work hard at it. It is no surprise exchange of gifts, flowers and cards have a permanent seat in the hearts of those who have truly loved each other. 


Valentine is just another day like every other day for those who understand true love.

Ladies!, the secret to a peaceful home is having Christ as the unseen guest at every meal.


Ladies we do not have to spend too much to look good this valentine, once the heart is happy the body speaks for itself.

This biggest proof we can boast of this valentine, "A healthy relationship and true love".

All my love to the ladies as we count down to the basket of red roses and true Love!

Connect with me and Like my page on Facebook.

Labels: "A Valentine Special", "Monthly Purification vs Daily Purification", Healthy Relationships and True Love"

Copyright © 2011 Ama Kachikwu

All rights reserved. No part of this program and the associated materials may be reproduced, presented, published or leveraged in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without the written consent of the author.

The World Cup Pyrexia in London

World Cup Food For Thought:

The "psychic black man"; Not only did he choose the right teams but accurately predicted Spain and Germany will get to that point in the world cup. Now, Spain In and Germany out but still within his psychic boundary. Let us see if Spain wins the final game as his incredible mind had predicted a month ago.

Origination and Deterioration of a fever is 100% from excessive exposure to a source; and yet it would seem world cup fans 5609 miles (9027 km) from South Africa are not left out. Here in London is how a Lady displayed behind her house as the world cup pyrexia increased in anticipation for the first tournament between South Africa vs. Mexico.

Joseph Yobo 

Scores: Draw

www.queenama.com


Label: "Mystical Mind"

I Left Precious After 30 Minutes She Was Born.



Teenager left baby at hospital - Yahoo! News UK    An appeal to trace a teenage mother who abandoned her newborn baby boy at a hospital has been launched by police.

In My Teens, Having Fun!

Queen Ama's Debate

Is it possible for a mother to walk out on her child just a few hours old? Is it a Man's fault this time around?

Chris Ben         Hmmmmm let me wait for others before I say my mind. This is despicable but who to blame? Fathers? Mothers? Kids? Hmmmmmm

January 21 at 8:11pm

 
Ander     The man has no blame here so its the  woman.                               
January 22 at 9:06am

Emmanuel       There is very little understanding and less empathy for the lady involved or reason she engaged in this devastating act of putting the life of this innocent new born in such danger. i things in this case is due to adolscent age and the boy might be in his teens too.Both gender has a fault in this act.

January 22 at 9:41am

Ama                Mr Ben, yes I agree this is despicable, but if you wait for others before you speak using words to express how you feel from your heart as opposed to your head then it becomes biased. @Alex I have always known life starts with 2 people coming together and deeply involved in the act of copulation. There is no child without the Man's sperm and the woman cooperating with the Man. I am just wondering if it would be fair to totally eliminate the "seed source" in this case the Man. Men are responsible for providing finance for the home, whilst women are mainly in charge in the upbringing of a child. I am sure both are not interested in that responsibility just yet. How does one shift blame to one party?

January 22 at 11:22am
 

Emmanuel        But Woman carries the major blame in such situation. How can carry pregnancy for nine solid month with hard labor at end u abadon the child, that despicable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!haba

January 22 at 11:32am

Sandra  ‎                     @ Ama… the fact of the matter is that it takes two to tango and for some reason, the responsibility of raising a child has fallen solely upon the young teenagers (who shouldn’t be having sex in the first place) but the boys (fathers) go scot free. Maybe the girls are getting tired of the deals that they are getting. Let the police start looking for the fathers of abandoned children… yes

January 22 at 11:33am

Emmanuel           I think is only heartless human being is capable of doing such. I don't see any blame of the man in some cases he might be unaware of the pregnancy

January 22 at 11:35am

Sandra               This is why we are raising a bunch of irresponsible young men in and out of the church, who do not have a sense of responsibility or accountability, they think they can just have careless sex and not pay the price for it.... The police should start looking for the fathers...

January 22 at 11:35am

Emmanuel             why sandra?

January 22 at 11:37am

Sandra             ‎@ Emmanual........ and how many mennnnnnnnnnnnnnn know that it is their children and deny them? Thousands! Please let us not get holier than thou here... I am a minister and I see this all the time. You have unprotected and non-marital sex and produce a child, take care of him/her........... Not the state, not your parents or your grand-parents. It is your SOLE responsibility.

January 22 at 11:37am

Sandra  ‎       @ Emmanuel.......... are you seriously asking why Sandra? What part is not clear so that I can elaborate and bring about clarity
January 22 at 11:38am

Emmanuel          am not saying that men got no role to play, but under no circummstances does the girl have to abandone her child like that. She got nine good month to clear whatever problems she had with the boy that impregnated her i.e is if she has any

January 22 at 11:43am

Ama             Mr Uchonnu I agree with you it is so wicked  for any woman to abandon her child after such long process of pregnancy. I respect her for taking that decision to carry the child but where she went wrong was abadoning the child afterwards. The Mother clearly knows others would look after her child in a system where there are laws and provision for such act of wickedness. However, where is the father in all of this. He also should be brought into the picture. I am sure that Man knew about the pregnancy but denied or asked her to terminate the pregnancy. How do we know it is a teenage father responsible for the pregnancy. I have seen adults and even married men act like the teenager we are all trying to picture here. A teenage boy would be excited most times to father his child whilst a Man who has a wife is likely to deny such pregnancy.

January 22 at 11:43am

Emmanuel     who told you atenage boy will be excited that is going to be a father?except one who is not ambitious

January 22 at 11:46am

Ama                     Emmanuel a teenager is at the age of trying out new adventures. The only time I see such young men doing it differently is when peers and family sounds warning on what they are likely to miss from such act of taking responsibility.

January 22 at 11:50am

Emmanuel           and fathering a child is a new adventures abi?

January 22 at 11:55am

Ama                Adventure is what it says " An unusual, Exciting, and daring experience. A young Man who has never been to the labour ward or seen a child coming forth from a woman is likely to call this an adventure. I find teenagers hate to be called so and want to act the path of adults. He would gladly jump at the opportunity for such who wants the life of adulthood in his teenage years.

January 22 at 12:01pm

Emmanuel             are sur ama?

January 22 at 12:04pm · Like

Emmanuel      I mean are you sure?

January 22 at 12:05pm

Sandra            ‎        @ Emmanual/ Ama.............. are you serious about 'new adventure'? Let young boys (not men) keep their adventure in their pants...........

January 22 at 12:29pm ·

Emmanuel                   Tell ama 4 me o

January 22 at 12:36pm ·

Emmanuel        you know this youthful exhorbirant of thing, they are eager to prctice what they watch in movies.

January 22 at 12:39pm

Ama                 @ Sandra I wish it were possible to keep adventure zipped completely in a pair of pants, but then again is no-longer adventure. Adventure is not for cowards and keeping it solely locked up in a pair of pants is the norm for people who understand it is not just right to get involved in those actions likely to present one with the responsibility of a married couple especially when still a teenager. Cowards play it safe and wait until when it is just about time. Teenagers hate to follow the path of cowardice especially at that age where they need and have to prove a point. As a matter of fact any parent wanting to have a good relationship with their teenage child should start working on them just before they reach the teen period. You need to make them your friend, educate them of certain actions and their likely consequences. It is amazing how most kids tend to change when they get to this stage. One begins to wonder if the developmental changes going on in their bodies are responsible for that shift in a normal expected routine.

January 22 at 9:56pm ·

Roseline   It well seems that masturbation,contraceptives,abstinence,preservatives aren't helping matters meaning we are left with the option of self will,discipline and tolerance,what that woman did was despicable and a shame to the woman generation,but there is a saying that goes that prevention is better than cure,what lead to her pregnancy could have been avoided,but the reason for abandoning that child we can not tell,which could be lack of finance,either she was raped and did not want to keep the child of a rapist or it is either fear of her parents disowning her and the child,or her being considered as a taboo to humanity,or a disgrace which i must say is no excuse whatsoever for her abandoning that child,but the bone of contention here is who is to be blamed???the root of this problem starts with an action of agreement which may be based on pressure for sustainment of the rship,as we know that a woman says i want a rship without sex,and the guy say sure i love u,i will wait for you,as time goes the guy pressures the girl,she says am afraid i may get pregnant,the guy says no you wont there are condoms,so nothing would happened,this is reality!on the other hand when a mistake occurs and she gets pregnant,she informs the guy,the guy suddenly realises that i dont have money,i need to finish my school,i need to find a job,this and that,of course the girl may not want to abort with the fear of damaging her womb,but at the beginning the girl had a choice of working away if she was ready to stick to her conditions of having a rship with the guy which is the hardest part,she is afraid of losing the guy,all in the name of LOVE!at a teenager age your level of sexual activity increase,at that time your hormones flows like wild fire,and a teenager mistakes this to be love,and this point a teenager would want to explore without thinking of the consequences!the feeling of course is beautiful but the result is outrageous!its unfortunate that we can not control the secretion of our hormones,but we definitely can control our desires,this is self control,a girl and a boy undergoes certain changes in their body,weird feelings arise and they dont understand what is going on in their bodies,they ask their parents,what is happening the parents deviate from the question with the fear that it may create a negative effect on the child,which is wrong!we can not guarantee the fact that a child with a good home training would also make a mistake of impregnating a girl,so both parents,men,women we all share in the responsibilities of the mistakes we make we i must say can not be avoided,but left in the hands of our self disciplin and control.

January 22 at 10:35pm ·

Chris Ben       Hello Guys, Nice contributions - To answer the first question, thats the case here right? As for the second question well a lot of people are to blame. It would be nice if we all stepped out of our "jimmy choos" (shoes) and ask ourselves what the root cause of the problem is. The reasons behind teenage pregnancy would vary from country to country, the demographics on the other hand are similar. Teenage parents are mostly from poor families, as such they lack the basic parental and societal guidance about methods of birth control, in fact many pregnant teenagers do not have any cognition of the central facts of sexuality and that is the bane of this problem. Lets start from africa, how many parents discuss safe sex education and methods of birth control with their children from an early age? The typical Nigerian mother while bathing her child would be ready to explain any part of the body and what it does to her child but the minute the child's hand goes to the crotch region the mother would smack it away and say "if I see your hand there again" This is sad but true, sex is shrouded in too much of a mystery and if we are to deal with this issue the first buck stops at the door of the parents. We all are to blame for this young girl abandoning her child because we have failed to successfully imbibe in our children the tools they would need to survive in the harsh harsh world we live in. Knowledge is power and how many of us would sit that niece down to say hey look this is what it is and this is what it is not, if you must do it then use this and use that , if you ever find yourself in a situation where you did not use a condom then get this over the counter. KNOWLEDGE is the only way to combat this problem because like they say you kill a dragon when it is young, and these drives and campaigns should be focused mainly on the female children because they have a lot more to loose. Once the girl gets pregnant then the debate about who to blame and who not to blame or who should be held responsible should be thrown out of the window, we must focus ourselves on how to help those who have fallen prey to it. The society has to come up with ways to take care of these teenage mothers and the babies because if you do not stem the tide, that young baby girl might just be the next teenage mother out of neglect.

January 22 at 11:42pm ·

Ama                   @Roseline you could not have understood and expressed it better asking for the attention of basic values and virtues one needs to succeed in life. They are not far-fetched; Self-control, discipline and tolerance. Now we are talking serious business and could be seen as crude and old -fashioned. That is the solution. How do you acquire and practice them is a new beginning. It requires renewing of one's mind of these virtues on a daily basis.Those who have made it habitual hardly loose sleep. Friends, can you imagine what that Teenage girl, the father, mother and boy-friend are going through right now. They all need to have done it right from the start. However, they all have missed the way. How does one react to those victims is another topic for debate. please go to this link and read what you see as it is a true life story.http://queenamafoodforthought.blogspot.com/2010/12/why-is-lion-not-shutting-up.html

January 23 at 11:56am ·

 Food For Thought:

Ama 

When one is between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea, One finds the answer most think is taking off as the teenager did in this scenario. One has to understand what is going on in her mind as opposed to her head this time. One knows a little innocent child, her blood and a part of a teenager have been forgotten in a maternity ward. One respects the commitment to have the child in the first place, but did she know she was pregnant. What life is she hoping to get afterwards? I mean the teenage girl has left behind a part of her in a distant land. It is surprising that "after all this" it is possible to start life fully again, but making up one's will never to tow that track "come rain, come sunshine". It is not an easy decision once you have eaten the forbidden fruit. It leaves a sour taste in the mouth of the victim and many others whom are affected by the decision, to disobey. Onlookers are not left behind who spread distressing news by managing another "Wikileaks" company. Thankfully, "Man should not be afraid to start life having reached the end."

12 minutes ago ·

Ama 

This is another hot matter trying to make out in our heads what could have happened here. One can only learn from this before it knocks at your door claiming another teenage daughter in your home. Now is the time to get your teenage children to be your friend and do not compete with them.

We have all linked our ideas across the globe with words, reaffirming what we believe in by our level of faith and of course asking in unison for a certain path to be towed by young teenagers based on ones' culture. One is not wrong when one states clearly what links us across the globe is our "words, faith and culture." See you same time next week on QUEEN AMA'S FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

12 minutes ago ·

Labels: "Unwanted Pregnancies", "Youthful Exuberance".

Queen Ama's Food For Thought: Is Money a Touchstone, Guideline, Barometer, Crite...

Queen Ama's Food For Thought: Is Money a Touchstone, Guideline, Barometer, Crite...: "  Queen Ama's Debate  People say Money is not a yardstick for success, but yet so many wake up in the morning going to Jobs they ..."