Why Does Love Have to Hurt so Much?

Julian from London:  December 25, 2009 at 11:58am 

You've got ur head so high its amazing....n you seem like the kinda person i could talk to..i hv an issue n i guess the only way i could get it off is by sharing.... holla

   Ama  December 26, 2009 at 1:25am

   Cool dear. email .

Julian from London:   December 26, 2009 at 10:57pm

Hi Ama, Merry Christmas. I wish I could be as merry as you are! I'm caught up in a war! I'm gonna give you a picture of what the situation is. I am torn between my family and the man I love. I have been seeing my boyfriend for 5years now. In all these years my parents have always made it clear that they don't like him. They've got loads of reasons why. their biggest fear is that his controlling nature will ruin me. Now he says we should get on and get married without them. I love him so much but I know I could never do that to my parents. I really don't know what to do.holla

   Ama  December 26, 2009 at 10:57pm

   Hello Julian,

Thanks for confiding in me. I must say I have been in a similar situation. Firstly, the decision to be happy is free and depends on the individual n the way they choose to control their mind. You should be happy and deserve to be happy. Make that decision today that no matter what you will be happy. Secondly, You should never fight with your family over a Man especially when he is fully aware of it. Your man should indeed be trying to make peace between you and your family by winning their love over. Please do not fight your people. Tomorrow that guy will use it against you. Please let him prove to your family beyond reasonable doubt that he will indeed be a good inlaw, a good father and a good husband. This will all show in his character overtime. Be wise and look before you leap!

 Julian from London:  December 27, 2009 at 3:56pm

Thank you so much Ama. Your mail brought a big smile to my face. Speakin about my issue something terrible happened yesterday. Now my family has every reason to say no. I just found out he has a daughter. My cousin who lives in missouri called my mom and told her about it. He never told me. Well I asked him and he said he was scared to tell me because he was sure I would leave him. I'm really upset by this but I still truly do not know what to do. Apparently he was even married to d lady who has the kid. I'm just so sad. Why does love have to hurt so much?

LOVE FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

True Love is the greatest. It is capable of raising a dead man completely shattered and wounded.

It heightens confidence, influences creativity and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair. 

O true love is what is left over when being in love has burned away. That which moves the sun and the other stars n dares not speak its name. 

O! My true love is not love’s pleasure that lasts but a moment rather it is love sorrow which lasts all through life. 

There is no disguise which can hide true love for long where it exists, or feign it where it does not. Above all, true love is so powerful that many waters cannot quench it; neither can the floods drown it. 

True love reminds one of a man who lay down his life for his friends. True love is that love which lasts longest because it is never returned. They call it the noblest frailty of the mind but yet it conquers all things.

True love is painful and sweet. I tell you it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. 

Take my true love which is like a yellow yellow rose that is newly sprung in February; O my true love is that essence in my smile; It cast away all fears but a reminder that is not about gazing at each other, rather it is looking together in the same direction. 

Connect with me and Like my page on Facebook.

Damn Your Principles: Stick to Your Party!

QUEEN AMA'S DEBATE

There are no true friends in politics. According to (Alan Clark-19288-99); "they are all sharks circling, and waiting, for traces of blood to appear in the water". A young man or woman with a family going for political post should get their objectives right from the start. I can confirm that if one is going there to eat, one day they will surely eat one too. Disgrace and massacre will be ones surname afterwards, when in a position to effect change just do.

Ones girlfriends and concubines, sycophants worshipping one because of power will leave one for the next powerful person in office after one is defeated. The prostitution around power does not stop. It is totally hopeless. One has to understand one is there to serve the masses. One person raining abuses and curses on one is enough to send one to the underworld with no hope of return. Now multiply one curse by the total population of Nigeria, My goodness not healthy for business. "One can say Politics is not the art of the possible".

Vicki Minaj, Ben Ezeigwe, Kehinde Dosomah and 2 others like this.

 

  Commentator 1

Tony

      Good job Ama K but i have a few remarks to make. In politics, there is no permanent friend, no permanent enemy. The only thing that is permanent is INTEREST! This is fundamental and perhaps, accounts for why friends fight n kill for sake of power.....for the prostitutes, the only thing that is permanent is also interest which is pecuniary gains. My advice is, know thyself" I will strongly, recomend THE PRINCE by Nicholo MAchiavelli for anybody considering politics in Nigeria. The Nigerian political environment seem to favour Machiavellian principles of politics. Meanwhile, the book itself was written centuries ago. The reality is that those who do not accept, end up grieve and agony. It is better to stay away if you are not prepared. To the Politicians, i will not moralise, play d politics, outsmart your colleagues, spend money but know that it is better and safer to stay on the side of the massess. Do not think about today alone but ensure dat u will be remembered for something great. One of such leaders that have emerged in contemporary Nigeria appears to be Donald Duke and a couple of others. off course if we talk about free education in the West, reference will always be made to Obafemi Awolowo, and many others. To be continued.....
January 8 at 9:05pm · Like

  Commentator 2

Nathaniel

The man niccolo machiavelli and the political ideologies he espoused are as controversial as the title of the book itself "the prince" so has controversy trailed those who wholesomely or with adept modification practiced his theories - Napolion bonappat, Adolfo hitler, Stalin, Daniel Ortega, Robert Mugabe, Ibrahim badamosi babangida, sanni abacha (pardon his lack of prowess and craft) and on and on and on....

The term "prince" is so vastly used that it contradicts its self, and no word has been so used and abused that its meaning or connotation becomes ambiguous in form. In Nigeria as well, politics whether it be schooled in machiavelli or any other contemporary discipline, is so controversial that it contradicts it's meaning and form. A politician should be and is a messenger and representative of the constituency that voted him on one hand, and a representative of the state on the other hand. But in Nigeria and most of the third world selfish interest, to further qualify Tony's contribution dictates the modus operandi and the platform on which political transitions are espoused. The representative of the state rapes the state and loots it's treasury, and the messenger of the constituency is PRINCE over the master depriving him of any returns and denying him access to the shared wealth with all impunity and alacrity. However the "temporarity" of the political office, the insatiability of the quest to acquire, and the folly of heaping up ill gotten riches for termites and cankerworms in themselves deprives the political prince any claim to craft, intelligence or common sense. The Nigerian situation is further compounded by the seemingly unholy unity between north and south, the moral depravity to which poverty either of resources or of intellect and of common sense has espoused many a politician. For the man who steals public fund to build a mansion in the choicest corner of the city is poor in conscience, and a greater poverty that could be for if i be poor of resources by providence or hardworking I can recreate my situation, but if I am poor of morality and conscience where lies my ability to turn my self around. What you have is a winding cycle of poverty, the politician - of morality and conscience, the prostitute - of shame and materiality, the constituency - of materiality and self will to rise up and say enough is enough.
January 8 at 10:25pm · Like · 1 person


Commentator 1

Tony

@Nathaniel, i am impressed by your knowledge and interest over the Nigerian political environment. You talked about about the raison d'etat of Politics/leadership and the situation on ground. But i will encourage you to embrace political realism rather than political idealism. The situation will to a large extent remain d same so far "humaan nature" is the same and does not change. For better insight on this, i will recoment the book - "LEVIATHAN" Authored by a great man - Thomos Hobbes. This book was also written in 1651 (centuries ago). Those who fail to accept political realism only end up in grief and agony.

The difference between our situation and that of the West is the SYSTEM. Their system makes it difficult for them to exhibit their animalsitic tendencies. But believe me, human nature is same. Men are brutal, wicked, feikel. The system- law, religion, society, amongst others helps tame these tendencies in man....it does not matter wether you are white or black. Human being is a human being irrespective of age sex or race. This idea as espoused by Hobbes in 1651 is still valid as human nature cannot change. On the part of the current Nigerian political situation, i will conclude as follows: ALL POWERS BELONG TO GOD AND GIVES POWER.....BUT IN OUR OWN REALM AS HUMANS, NOBODY GIVES POWER OR SHOULD I SAY GOD CANNOT COME HIMSELF TO GIVE YOU POWER. THEREFORE, YOU MUST TAKE IT BY ALL MEANS NECESSARY!!

Like i have always argued, Does Lion ask for permission to take his meal?? NO! So it is should be for you if you really want to make a change.....let us come out of our shell and STOP blaming others for our situation because it will NOT change unless we are ready to change it or accept it the way it is.
‎Sunday at 9:31am · Like



 Moderator

AMA

 Mr Obioha if I may ask where you are based   currently? I agree with Tony on your vast knowledge around politics.

Sunday at 9:33am · Like

Commentator 3

Roseline

well i must say this topic politics is like an unending circle of questions about what it truly is,each person has their view of what politics is,u guys have stated from both the ideological and realistic point of view,but the real question is if you where in politics what would u have done???its so quick for us to pass judgements on those who practice politics,we say i would have done this,i will have done that!would u actually have done what u think u would do if you were there????it is only a person who has taken part in politics that can really say what politics is all about,if we should face the truth,if we where to have all the financial resources at our disposal,what would we do?a human being would think first of solving his or her personal problems,even before thinking about helping his or her country,because people would want to save themselves before saving their country,do u really think that people would even think twice when it comes to saving their country instead of themselves?????the bone of contention here is that everyone is selfish in one way or the other,selfishness,greed is like a reflection of politics,which u can not seperate!power on the other hand only comes when u have the money to shut up all the holigans, bandits,prostitutes,assassins,no one would have the guts to stand up and say enough is enough!because they are afraid for their lifes,like the saying goes money talks and bullshit works!politics is a disease and the only antidote to it is GOD!because the people in politics are human beings which were created by God himself,because practically speaking no human has the solution to politics,because we are all greedy!lolzzzz.......
Sunday at 3:01pm · Like · 1 person

 
Commentator 2

Nathaniel

Roseline thanks for sharing your views, but I will like to make the following declarations and allow everyone to challenge: (1) politics by itself is not a dirty game, it can be as clean as being a director of a company. There are directors who deliver to the company and to employees and without stealing company's fund. (2) people with integrity will do what they say they will do, so lack of integrity of the generality does not necessarily mean mean are without integrity by nature. (3) I disagree with the generalization that everyone is selfish, there are some political leaders in Nigeria that have shown selfless service, selfishness is a moral weakness it is not hard wired in humans, (4) abuse of power is a human defensive mechanism for insecurity, lower self esteem and fear, and people based on moral grounding, exposure, education and principles react to those differently. That Nigerian politicians failed does not make politics a bad thing...thanks for contributing to the debate. Please don't take my response as shutting you up, am only challenging some of the assumptions you made, cause assumptions if not challenged become theory, theories become practice, practice become precedence, precedence become culture.....and culture unlike the rest is as hard as BRICK WALL.
Sunday at 4:03pm · Like

 Commentator 3

AMA

Roseline, I agree with you. That instrument called power has proven to be a demon overtime and not everyone does a good job of handling it without making a mess of themselves. However, that does not mean people cannot criticise the evils around it, probably one or 2 governments will hear the voice of the youth through this forum. Guys go ahead and empty your thoughts.
Sunday at 6:11pm · Like

Tony

Commentator 1

@Roseline, considering the soci-political environment of Russia where you wrote from, you are definitely on point. Your comment is clearly in line with a typical political situation in real life. If you ask me, the only difference is that in some places or parts of the world, the SYSTEM helps tame/curtail the actions of men. Will elaborate on this point below while responding to Nathaniel. @Ama, i agree with you that we cannot say because it is so then let’s stop critiquing the evil actions of men. No we must continue to discuss and condem such actions by every means necessary. @Obioha, i will take the issues you raised one after the other. For No.(1) above, the question of politics being a dirty game is highly subjective. You need to expansiate on that............ However, i find your points No. (2), (3) and (4) as largely faulty. The ideas you have expressed seem to be valid only in the world of Political Idealism. It shows lack of understanding of the Human nature and ideas espoused by Thomos Hobbes in LEVIATHAN written in 1651. Human nature is the same today tommorow and forever. Thank God for religion, law and other mechanisms in the society that helps tame/curtail the evil that man do. Human Nature has been the same from the time of Adam and Eve, Adolph Hitler, Bismark, Stalin, Idia Amin, Babangida, Abacha, you can go on and on. Throughput, human history, man have showed its true colours in terms of wickedness to fellow men. From the Renaissance period to Reformation down to industrial Age and scramble for Africa, the situation has not changed. So to think it will change in 2011 is only but a mirage and an argument for the young minds in political theory n statecraft. @Ama, i know you are always interested in SOLUTION and how the society can be left better than we met it. I am sure; the historical approach i have taken above will give an insight and direction in terms of solution. My RECOMMENDATION and what appears to be a SOLUTION based on my knowledge of world history is that - (A) we should not try to think that human nature has changed or will someday change. Therefore, efforts should be on getting new mechanisms that will tame man and to strengthen existing ones. Emphasis should be given on aspects of religion (- Christianity, Islam, etc) that is against such selfish tendencies in man. (B), Strengthen existing laws and its enforcement. Though, man will at its convenient disobey laws to make room for their selfish interests but it is better to be there than nothing. (C), we should expose, speak against evil works and codem them in strong terms. The embarrassment that follows to the family and the person in question will help to some extent. (D) Like they in Psychology, whose OX or OXEN have we not stolen or attempted t steal?? It is also possible to talk about the Id, ego and super ego...which means all humans have same tendency, it is a matter of opportunity and exposure. Realising, that it is so, will help us to encourage them in a way that they will make huge efforts to desist from such acts. However, my position is that Not all shall follow dis last solution as others will be on the aggressive side. Putting pressure. I could go on and on, on this matter, but i am sure the points above will illuminate this very important issue. God bless you all....
Sunday at 7:11pm · Unlike · 1 person

Commentator 3

Roseline

  This has become truly an intellectual debate. @Tony, i agree with your points and have been informed by your comment. I am sure others have benefited from this. @Ama, thank you for providing the platform for discussions and it is my hope that our ideas will make a change in our society someday.
Sunday at 8:06pm · Unlike · 2 people

Commentator 2

Nathaniel

   Thanks all for your contributions. I do not however   subscribe
to theories that contradict the ability of humans to change the status quo, recreate them and change their environment, for if that be the case we are one and all but doomed. But history stands clear that the contrary, which is the position I deposed is the case. Restated for clarity - people with integrity will do what they say they will do irrespective of pressure, reason why religion, morality and law are all mechanisms for change, (2) power is a defensive mechanism, abuse of power is an absolute defence to shield insecurity and fear within, (3) selfishness is a moral weakness, for there are people who have learnt the strength to serve selflessly, and finally politics is not dirty in nature, people make it so....I won't blow my trumpet or address Tony's insinuations of lack of understanding of human nature for Leviathan's theory is not sacrosanct neither a universal law but only a proposition with tens and thousands of contrary views.
Sunday at 11:02pm · Like



Commentator 4

BEN

Not much to say here I hate it when I agree with tony!
Sunday at 11:24pm · Like  2 people

Commentator 4

BEN

I do not buy the whole God gave us bad leaders hogwash, Nigerians are not rascals they are just unfortunate, unfortunate to find themselves in a contraption that hinders development. Its easy to stay on this page and call the masses political prostitutes but poverty is not the only problem wrong with Nigeria. Take a brief survey and ask people why they want GEJ back, tribalism and the silly notion that he is God sent is what filled my survey. Every Nigerian is fundamentally flawed naturally and cognitive dissonance means we will always follow the path of least resistance.
Sunday at 11:57pm · Like · 2 people

Commentator 5

Sleekkilla' Gold

 I agree with Nathaniel...Niccolo Machiavelli wrote his famous dissertation on power, The Prince, in 1517. Machiavelli was only interested in directly discussing the elements of power. Nigerian politicians are Africa's shame, and they are a disgrace to politicians the world over of which they are no part of (i have no apologies). As for the masses who are political prostitutes, blame it on poverty. Its not as if they dont know d right thing to do. They say Italians are rascals, but if Napoleon and Leopold were alive, they would know there are are people who have surpassed Italians in rascality..NIGERIANS! Methink God gave African bad leaders, and gave the western world natural disasters to balance everything cus African will never be able to handle natural disasters. The police and Nepa will add to casualty (it’s my own personal opinion). Governing Nigerians is not impossible, it’s merely useless. Every Nigerian is crooked, EVEN YOU!
Sunday at 11:43pm · Unlike ·

 Commentator 5

Sleekkilla' Gold

‎ @ Ogo/ i mentioned rascality because;   Nigeria can only be turned around by a dictator. (i can hear u screaming blue murder!) Now, what do u call someone who can’t even obey traffic light or who dump waste on the streets? i don’t know another word to describe such people. i called the masses political prostitutes because they support whoever impress them most which speech or shares some stolen money around. Note, only those who have stolen have money for politics. Nigeria is cursed by the riches (oil), under her feet. It’s a cold turkey
Monday at 12:04am · Like

Commentator 4

Ben

Again I beg to differ; we all know the story of Nigerians pushing and shoving at murtala mohammed airport and when they get to Heathrow they all enter into the queue and behave themselves. If you are born into a society that has no respect for rules you would inevitably do things that way. For instance people driving in Lagos can attest that things have changed in recent years on the road. What I am saying is people respect a system, human beings like to imitate. IF you go into a gathering that is orderly and peaceful you would find yourself making the effort to conform. The solution to Nigeria's problems do not lie in a Dictator, it is certainly too complex for a dictator to solve, he might succeed in suppressing but certainly not solving the problem
Monday at 1:15am · Like · 1 person

Commentator 5

Sleekkilla' Gold

 Well, u have a point. i like the part where u said ''If you are born into a society that has no respect for rules you would inevitably do things that way.'' And that’s why we can adapt to any form of treatment and injustice. We are just a natural survivor.
Monday at 1:20am · Like

Moderator

AMA

 Kingzley what you have learned overtime is what you    become and that is culture.
Monday at 5:48am · Like



Commentator 5

Sleekkilla' Gold

‎ @ Ama/ i agree with you guys, on that. But have we bothered to ask why Nigerians abide to law in other countries? It’s simply because they want to survive, and make a living. Nigerians are naturally stubborn no matter how much u guys want to argue that. The average Nigerian is a rascal.
Monday at 6:46am · Like

BEN

Nigerians obey laws in other countries because they see the citizens of that country obey the laws, the average Nigerian might be loud but certainly not a rascal.
              Monday at 5:58pm · Like

Commentator 5

Sleekkilla' Gold

Lol...if u say so.



Moderator 

 

AMA

 I see positivity coming out if this. Should our leaders show the right example others would follow. Imagine the president of Nigeria Goodluck Jonathan queuing to buy tickets in a local airport just before he boards the   plane or waiting for his turn in a traffic jam caused by a bad road. Now tell me which Nigerian would not follow the rules.

Commentator 1

Tony

The comments are overwhelming. Well done guys...Special thanks to Ama K
January 11 at 10:19pm · Like · 1 person



Moderator

 

AMA

 I can only add massive thanks at this point for all your contributions to this weekend’s hot matter on Queen  Ama's Food For Thought using facebook platform. We had 5 commentators from different parts of the world representing various cultures. The moderator was Queen Ama. What links us across the globe are our words, faith and culture. We are better off letting out steams in the use of Appropriate words and connecting with others from different parts of the world. See you same time next week. Have a fantastic week ahead.
Like · 1 person

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Labels: "The Disastrous and The Unpalatable"; "A true leader leads by Example"

What Truly Matters on a Saturday Morning- Part 2

Does one know what it feels like having no shelter, food to eat, clothes to cover ones nakedness and orphaned from HIV/Aids.

The good news for these ones physically challenged of Mushin, Lagos state is not over for them until you and I take the decision making a difference to their lives. Nothing is too small as you contribute towards this realistic project putting back a smile on the face of these ones physically challenged and stripped bare by poverty in Africa. Whatever you donate is accounted, responding satisfactorily to the most serious cases affecting these special people.

1.  Malnutrition

2.  Shelter

3.  Clothing

4.  Diseases


5.  Education

Please be part of an excellent project addressing the needs of those who can almost not perform activities done solely by you and I without any assistance; led by the Managing Director Tonye Cole of Sahara Group and wife Dr Cole Sylvia. They have been working on this scheme for years, spending time with them on a memorable day January 11th which is his birthday. 

http://queenamafoodforthought.blogspot.com/2010/11/what-truly-matters-on-saturday-morning.html

Now we can all say one is doing what truly matters on Saturday morning outside of ones family, relatives and children. Please let us strive to turn around the lives of these Men and Women in Mushin.

They are disabled and cannot perform 4 to 6 activities such as Bathing and washing, preparing their meal, using the toilet, mobility, dressing, eating and drinking without ones assistance. Some of us have the funds to protect a normal lifestyle in the event we become permanently disabled in the future arising from accidents. Yes, we have those funds paid out in the form of premiums protecting ones life on a daily basis but assist those who will not be partly or wholly protected by any Insurance company.

What is your reward? The truth no condition is secure and one must help when in a position to do so. When one's reward comes unexpectedly, from places one least expects and makes one shed tears of joy just like this people one must help.

 You can imagine how these people in Mushin would arise knowing they are loved and now have a variety of shelter, food, clothing and can be cured of diseases. 

Cost Implications.

1.   Tiling of toilets and bathrooms.
2.   Installation of toilet seats and bath tubs 

3.   Changing of windows from wood to sliding glass 

4.   painting of entire building

Charitable Food For Thought

• This is the easiest of all needs, belongs to the same class and ranks lowest in Abraham Marslows hierarchy of needs. Some of us have attained the highest rank and some slightly above the foundation of the hierarchy. 

• One can still help from the little one has regardless of ones rank in this hierarchy of needs. 

• The finest benefit; we can also extend the opportunity of getting them to the third rank where they better understand what family, love and affection involves. 

• One is not left out helping as one's rewards are equal to attaining the Transcendence needs where you help others to self actualize. 

• What greatest gift can you get in life other than being on top of this triangle of needs? Then you know you have arrived at  your destination.

 "It is more difficult to please a rich man than one who is poor and needs just little to survive".

 "So, while there is time, let us do good to all and especially those outside of ones family."

Please contact a.sales@giamediaservicesltd.com ;+44 (0) 7404262865 for all donations.

OR.

Pay Directly into;

HSBC Account number: 31526766, sort code: 40-07-06 using reference "Physically Challenged Mushin".

We all wish Mr T Cole a Happy Birthday and many many happy returns!

Labels: "How To Be Compassionate- Part 2", "Saturday and Heartbreaks- Part 2".

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